I used to stress about what to do over the weekend.
Can you believe I actually worried about what to do with freedom? It’s a blessing, but I didn’t know how to enjoy it then. I think that seems to be the problem nowadays, it’s like an unspoken rule that it is unacceptable to not be doing something in such an overstimulated world with so many choices.
I thought I was so uninteresting when I moved to the west coast, especially when I didn’t have friends and I couldn’t drive. I had such high expectations to be someone new in a place where nobody knew me. I was a clean slate. I wanted to be someone more adventurous than my usual self. Someone more outgoing. Someone more likable. I felt like I was missing out on life. I wasn’t exploring enough. I wasn’t living enough. I thought something must be wrong with me that I don’t like to do a lot. Maybe I’m just sucky.
Then I started just being okay with it.
My boyfriend is more than okay with me, obviously. Why can’t I see that in myself? My boyfriend is VERY happy with his freedom. He doesn’t need to impress people. He doesn’t need to constantly search for validation for anything. He’s really care free. He has so much faith in himself that he’s not worried about the future at all. He really lives in the flow. And I slowly learned this from him.
I do have lots of interests. It’s just different.
Slowly, I began to realize that I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do. That’s the essence of freedom. If I want to watch Netflix all weekend, then I shall. I appreciate shows with really good plots and acting. That’s art. I wonder how the screenplay looked like and all the decisions that the director took under consideration.
I don’t need to find an art gallery and schmooze with hipsters. Maybe sometimes, I might.
I don’t need to hike in scorching heat to reach the top to feel adventurous. I am adventurous and I do do exciting things. Maybe not very exciting to you. But exciting to me.
I don’t need to eat out that often. When I do, I really enjoy it.
I don’t need to be at a party that I don’t care for. If I want to go to an event, I would look for something cool happening, when I want to. Then I’ll invite a friend.
I don’t have to say YES to everything that’s happening. Different souls require different things to be happy. I don’t need to do what everyone else seems to be doing.
F is out of town this weekend (he left yesterday) for his best friend’s wedding and I have the home all to myself! He’s the one out partying so I don’t feel bad about enjoying my time either. I’m looking forward to the extra space I have at home. He does take up a lot of space. Haha!
It’s so easy to live with your best friend. We bask in comfort together like kittens. Lots of grooming and licking. Just kidding. Simply lots of unspoken love.
Me giving him a quick squeeze on his traps (or shoulders to most people).
Him dangling a bbq chip in my face.
Me placing my cold feet on his lap.
I’m going to miss him very much.
So what should I do this weekend??
Absolutely nothing! I’m resting. I’ll do some yoga. Do some writing. Clean. Vamp up my blog =) Search for cardboard to begin my yard work (sheet mulching). Walk to Loews and discover the gardening section. Make some iced coffee. Write some workout plans. Transfer pictures to my laptop. I might schedule a massage, just maybe. I spent quite a bit recently. Paint. I have extra canvases and paint laying around. Make a list of business ideas. Research to find my next stock picks.
You have to turn up the silence to
find be yourself.
Please share your weekend plans!
Update–I winded up painting and binge watching White Collar.