On desires, expansion and love

For awhile now, I wake up with a slight unease.  What do I need to do today?  The thought of commuting to work depletes me.  Perhaps I’m just a little tired.  On most mornings, my army of Gratefulness rages war against these energy depleting thoughts.

I know I’m not alone in these emotions in regards to their jobs so I disregard them, like what most people would do and then drag themselves to work.  But deep down I know the unease is caused by my new expansion, yet I’m still settling for what I used to be.

This morning I woke up a little earlier and I sat with these emotions.  Here, you have all my attention, what do you wish for me to know? I asked.

Somehow I found a new appreciation for them.

Buddha was wrong about desires, they are not the cause of suffering.  It’s how we judge our desires and try to obliterate their existence that is the root of our suffering.

All my life, I’ve held empty roles.  Roles that I’ve settled for because I didn’t know better.  I wanted to feel safe.  I worked for a paycheck and it happened to be a little one because I don’t contribute my true talents in these positions.  That is okay.  I lacked faith.  I didn’t believe in myself then.  But now I’ve lived through enough contrast of experiences to know what feelings I want to feel instead and I thank my heart for having the desires to do more and to want more out of life.

I wouldn’t have these desires if the Universe didn’t have something bigger in store for me.

For me to live on Earth for the past 27 years and to come to this realization, I am overcome with love.

The Universe loves me so much, it is working in my favor to align itself with my desires.  It already knows my desires more than I do.  It knows all of my suffering, my deepest thoughts, fears, insecurities, dreams, daydreams, the kind of friends I want, the lover I want, the lifestyle I want, the books I like, etc.  All of my experiences are pieces to a puzzle to lead me closer to my purpose.  This path to my purpose is a part of the purpose.  It can’t possibly work in other ways, that I know for sure.

So today, I called the day off.

I wrote in my journal.  I had to write.  I just had to write.  It was effortless to write.  I poured my new found love for my internal guide, the violent emotions I never understood, all of the decisions I’ve ever made, for the Universe, or God, whatever you want to call it.  I thanked my body, for being a beautiful vehicle of my perspective.  And I just had to share this.

feel free to share your thoughts :)