Making videos to get over my self-consciousness

I felt camera-shy.  It was more of a sit down chat with my phone than an actual vlog.  I don’t think I’m going to upload it to the public.  (At least not yet.)  I did what I set out to do and it was a great feeling.

It wasn’t so bad.  I think the most awkward part for me is that I’m taking time and space.  I felt like a shy student speaking in front of the class again.  It’s not a big problem for me now as it was back then.  My shyness wasn’t about having people look at me.  I was friends with almost all of my classmates.

I think my discomfort came from me taking up space and people’s time and I didn’t think I was worthwhile.  That sounded pretty dark, but that was how I felt.  Speaking in front of the camera reminded me of that.  There were moments when I’m just staring at the camera, rocking back and forth because I didn’t know what to do with the space I took up.  That is something I need to work on.

bloop :p
bloop :p

Watching myself on video was weirdly pleasant.  When I watch Youtubers, I’ve always wondered how they’re so comfortable in their own skin.  How can she be so herself? How does she know how to be herself?

When I replayed the 5 minutes I recorded of myself talking about my day, I actually liked the girl I was watching.  She seemed herself.  A bit uncomfortable but she seemed like she could be a funny, nice human being with some weird quirks and nuances.  Like the way my lips moved so crookedly.  The weird eyebrow movements when I’m trying conjure thoughts.  I guess I didn’t realize how much of a self I have am until I watch myself on video.

It was a pretty good feeling, I have to admit.

bloop 2 :p
bloop 2 :p

I’m going to continue doing this!  It’s a very good way to learn about myself and get more comfortable being me.  I think I’ll be ready post publicly when I discover what topics I like talking about most 🙂  I can also vlog over the weekends and I don’t mind sharing those!

Share your favorite youtuber in the comment below!

feel free to share your thoughts :)