How to not break the person you love

Last night, I almost suffered from memory loss and broke the person I love.  Do you get those?  I certainly do.  It started when he shared one of his fears and doubts with me, which regrettably, I will not be sharing with you.

It was almost bedtime.  We were laying in bed and, like any other night, we talked a little, messed with the cat a little, until she’s completely irritated, hops off to find a different spot to shed her fur on.

Then he brought up that evil thing I did not want to hear.

He had conjured his thought into a succinct, beautiful sentence, not a word extra, not a word less.  When he had finished speaking, the thought lingered in the air.  It was a volatile moment.  While the space of silence slowly embraced the non-violent vulnerability of his soul, it breathed its hot breath on me–Do you really want to raise hell? 

I hated what I heard.  He’s not allowed to think things like this.  What about me?  What about us? 

I listened to my own rush of thoughts.

But why would you think such a thing, I could’ve easily said, followed by painstaking details of how it made me feel, which of course he would refuse to accept and completely shut down on me.

I found this weakness so distasteful, I wanted to beat it out of him.

I thought about what he said.  Word for word.  I thought about what he’s actually doing.  He was not trying to put me down.  He was not trying to do anything.  He’s just expressing himself, being honest and most importantly, he chose to share it with me. 

What I cannot accept in him is what I cannot accept in myself.  How I judge him is how I judge myself.  I decided, he’s allowed to feel this way.  I’m allowed to have moments of doubts and weaknesses too, why judge it?  It doesn’t define all of who we are.

So I let it go.

I just completely let it go.

Instead of judging, instead of manipulating him to think the way I think, I responded the way I would respond to my best friend in need.  We just talked.

After some back and forth friendly dialogue and consideration, he said something that was absolutely golden:

“You’re right.”

And we winded up having a peaceful night of sleep. 🙂

5 thoughts on “How to not break the person you love

  1. “I responded the way I would respond to my best friend in need.” This is a great reminder. Sometimes I focus too much on getting a certain point across that I let the “emotions of the moment” take charge vs. focusing on being direct but also loving and kind.

    Kudos for taking that moment of reflection to respond in the best way possible!

feel free to share your thoughts :)