I’m stuck in a bit of a dilemma. For the past month, I’ve been arriving at 6:30am at the Miu Thai place to teach yoga. I’ve been waking up at 5am, first to meditate, get ready, have a light breakfast and to collect myself. Occasionally, I even sub for the other teacher on Thursdays and Sundays. Rolling out of bed isn’t easy but it’s not as difficult as dealing with the anticipation of wondering who will come to my class that day. Because I’ve never had a single student. While it is not my job to get members to come, I cannot help feeling a bit discouraged about this whole experience. Afterall, it is my first paid yoga teaching job. They had only launched their yoga classes a month earlier and it’s been super slow, even though it was the members’ request to have some yoga options.
I spoke with with the manager there and they are going to change the yoga class to 8:15pm -9pm because 6:30am yoga is just not happening.
So tonight will be my first class. I hope. It’s not my first time teaching but I feel so much pressure because the manager who hired will be attending tonight.
As a yoga teacher, I believe it’s moments like these that I’m trained for. To be authentic, to teach without attachment to results. Can I stand in my confidence, let go of my own fears and insecurities and hold space for the student, regardless of who they are?
Parts of me feel the need to impress. Parts of me want to prove my worthiness. Parts of me feel scared. However, there is a bigger part of me that is observing my experiences and emotions. And I love her for being compassionate. I’m trying my best to not judge myself for having these thoughts. I trust that this bigger part of me GOT THIS and can guide me through it. Rather than worrying my day away until 8:15pm, I decided to write this blog post, with the intention of letting go. May I hold onto my confidence today.